I'm officially done with my exams, I can only cross my fingers and pray I didn't fuck up. I'm so done with school it's hard to keep motivated. Which is why when this bitch came into my vision I was immediately annoyed.
I was hanging with a few friends in Erickson Hall last night when we decided we needed to run to get food so we can continue our last minute cramming. I went up to the front desk to get my card, and a few people were in front of me. In the process another friend entered Erickson and asked me how I was, and I answered politely and asked of him as well. Take note to this last sentence.
It's finally my turn and the chick at the front desk kind of just stares at me. I try to tell her my last name so she can look up my card before she interrupts me with a "HI. HOW ARE YOU?"
Now if any of you know me well, I already get highly irritated when interrupted. Even if it's just a small interruption, if you try to put your words above mine I will smack you shit-less, don't test me. Nevertheless I remained calm and answered, "Good. My last name is..."
And she interrupts me AGAIN. She decides to pour her obnoxious emotions out to me, saying "I really hate it when people just come up to me and ask for their card without speaking to me, like I'm not a person. It annoys the fuck out of me. I usually don't give them their card until they answer."
Bitch, you know what annoys ME? Cunts that think I give two shits about their feelings! Bitch it's your fucking job to give me my goddamn card, it isn't your job to sit here and try to converse with people who DON'T want to talk to you. Maybe if you weren't a sloppy whore people would stop to talk to you and you wouldn't be crying to me right now. Then I say...
"Honestly, I don't really give a shit. I work in a computer engineering field, I offer a service. People approach me for said service, not to converse with."
Again, this bitch has the nerve to ask me the question again! That's when I let shit go.
"Give me the fucking card. I have places to be."
When she finally realizes that I'm about two seconds from pouncing back there and shoving the card down her fat throat, she hands me the card. But it doesn't stop her from throwing in a snide comment after handing it to me.
"Politeness is a virtue, you should work on that."
I turned around and said "I already answered the fucking question, STOP BEING A BITCH."
What I really wanted to say was "Fitness and cleanliness is also a virtue, you should hit the gym you fat cunt." But I figured she'd cry and kill herself over her shitty, friendless life.
Apparently the chicks' name is Ryan? Ryanne? Some attempt at making the name Ryan feminine? Who knows. All I know is if she crosses my path again, I'm ripping the hair off her head and forcing her onto an elliptical. Bitch better not get it twisted!
Labels: bitches, poor service
Apologies for the lack of posts, this May is when finals are happening. I'm not dead, I'm just busy. But I do have some great blog entries that will be coming up so stay tuned.
Until after finals, see you around!
Love,
SM ♥ ♥ ♥
Labels: update
Apologies for not posting in a while, I've been sick!
Ever since the Crew bake sale I've been sick. Now, before you jump to any conclusions let's first explain the nature of this "bake sale."
Firstly, we were supposed to have the bake sale in front of the RAC, which is a dumb fucking idea. Who wants to go to the gym and see cupcakes on their way in?? People are here to NOT be fat bitches, so we sneaked over to the front of the breezeway by the Commons, where fat people usually roam. Sure enough we're making sales!
Secondly, let me rephrase that last sentence. Sure enough, I'm making sales. The entire time I'm the one who stayed from 11am to 4:30pm and actually did any work. These other bitches just stood there, or did homework. I'm like bitch, how the fuck do you think you sell shit? Stare at them as they pass by? Hell no!
Because of these lazy cunts, my voice is shot and my throat is killing me. Most Crew members didn't even show up! But we did outsell Delta Phi Sigma (a lame sorority, one of those stereotypical dumb blonde type of deals) with our bake sale. And we also received a lot of donations!
Thanks to all that did come and buy our baked goods no matter how disturbing some of them were. One of the Crew members ( the one whose idea it was to hold the bake sale that she got on everyone's nerves about ) didn't participate, but she brought a cake in a fucking bread pan (I gave her a mad side eye for that) that she made when she was drunk apparently. Congratulations, you've upgraded to White trash. Yes upgraded.
In case you couldn't tell, I really despise that girl. Probably because she's the polar opposite of me. But that's a post for another time. ;)
However we also got some random rude people! I'm like it's a fucking bake sale on a college campus, where the fuck do you think you are??
"The frosting on the cupcake looks sloppy."
Probably because it was baked by people who DON'T work at Georgetown Cupcakes nor took a class in cupcakeology with a focus on frosting placement and swirl technique. It's a fucking cupcake bitch it's not supposed to look fucking perfect, it's gonna look exactly the same as any other fucking cupcake once you eat it and shit it out! Either you can buy this fucking cupcake, eat it, and shut the hell up, OR you could make your merry way down to Georgetown Cupcakes, waste some gas, and then spend $4 on a single fucking cupcake and be as happy as can fucking be, but don't sit here and bitch at me about a fucking lemon cupcake on this goddamn mother fucking table!!
"Their cupcakes are cheaper."
And they're also store bought and smaller than ours, bitch so what? What does Delta Phi Sigma really need money for? Lip gloss and tampons? We're trying to buy a fucking boat and oars bitch! Our shit is expensive!!
So while I'm doing all the goddamn work of screaming, handing out baked goods, and keeping the cash box managed, a small piece of aluminum foil flies off one of the pans. Since I've got a billion things to do at once and my hands were full, I'm not going to just run the fuck after it, one of the assholes that was just standing there could have gone and got it!! So this chubby white woman comes up with the foil and says this WITH AN ATTITUDE:
"This is trash. You should hold on to it next time."
I'm sitting here thinking after all the fucking work I've been doing today bitch you're about to get cut for getting rude with me. Perhaps you should jump on the elliptical for the next 5 years of your life so you can learn how to hobble away from me faster you fat fucking cunt!
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
:).
But back to the most important part of this post: I'm sick!
A lot of people asked me if I ate anything at the bake sale that could have made me sick. I ate a single cookie, made by one of the Crew members. But is this single cookie enough to cause the following symptoms?
- Numbness in the legs
- Full body muscle pains, we're talking excruciating. If I moved I felt like crying it hurt so much
- Heart palpitations
- Chest pains
- Nausea
- Extreme Migraines
- Fatigue
- Faded vision
- Cramps across the lower back
- Etc.
We've been able to deduce that it isn't the following:
- Menstrual Cycle
- Pregnancy (wtf guys, really?)
- Misuse of cocaine (just kidding, I always misuse it.)
Thanks for everyone that's been helpful to me in letting me feel better, a couple of you sent me flowers which is sweet, kind of creepy that you know where I live but if you live on campus you can pretty much find out anything so I imagine it wasn't too difficult. I also got a tiny teddy bear that said "Get Well" and a couple of e-mails, so thanks guys! Means a lot to me.
I'll probably be sick for the rest of this weekend, bummer. ): Laid up in bed!!
Love you guys!
XX
Labels: bake sale, bitches, crew, sick
This post actually serves as a "semi guide" on how to deal with ignorance in the fast food business.
First of all I want you all to realize something when you're ordering food: tip your drivers! If you're dissatisfied with the time it took to make your food or the quality of your food, you have to realize that neither of these two things have anything to do whatsoever with the driver. Because all fast food restaurants only let people order out if they're within about a 5 mile radius, delivery is actually the fastest part of the process. And considering the driver's salary is pretty much based in tips, don't be a fucking cunt - tip your driver! (In the state of Maryland that's 15% you stingy whores).
However this is only if the driver is nice to you, and provides you with decent service. You'd think that wouldn't be hard since their sole duty is to deliver, have you sign a receipt, say thank you and be on their merry way back to the store but tonight I've been presented with quite a different experience.
If you live in Catonsville, Maryland you've probably heard of a small business named Wings, Things & More. They're located off of Frederick road, for you drivers. It's a well known fact that the delivery guys from this store are absolutely atrocious.
The first driver is this ashy looking African who NEVER remembers to bring a pen and insists on hitting on all the females he's delivered to. His ever so creative pick up line of "you're beautiful, do you want to talk to me?" has been heard by dozens of females on UMBC's campus.
Look you old fucking pervert, no one is interested. I'm tired of you forgetting pens and I'm even more tired of your self deprivation in the moisturization department. Put on some goddamn lotion!!
However tonight I didn't have to deal with this fool, but another one. A new driver.
Firstly, the order was about twenty minutes late but as previously stated that alone is not the driver's fault. But the fact that he was smoking over my goddamn food IS his fault, and I didn't appreciate it. For those of you that don't know, delivery guys are not allowed to smoke while on delivery, only on breaks. This one had the audacity to smoke in my face!
Not to mention he forgot my receipt so I couldn't sign for my food nor get a copy of it. So either way this fucker wasn't going to get a tip, even if in my nicest of moments I could have thought to ignore his blatant disrespect of my food and move on with my life.
Shortly afterwards the boy in my life calls, and luckily he works at Dominoes. For those of you that don't know, because Dominoes is a chain the driver experience can vary; luckily at his store he's working with a bunch of incredible people, which we'll get to in a minute. Not to mention the drivers make quite a bit of money; I honestly didn't expect that but they're not exactly starving.
I tell him about what just happened, and he was quite annoyed. He also told his manager what happened between Wings, Things & More and myself, which is where the amusement kicks in.
His manager is a 60 something year old White woman with the greatest sense of humor, named B. However she's also a very intelligent manager. She told us that it is absolutely wrong to smoke during a delivery, and that people have been fired for that once before. Because of the severity of the matter (it truly comes down to it being a health issue) she said she would have fired the driver on the spot and given the customer a refund.
I had no interest in whether or not the driver got fired, I don't plan on ordering their again, but the idea of not getting charged naturally intrigued me. B asked me for the address and phone number of Wings, Things & More and proceeded with the hilarity.
She pretended to be my mother, and asked the manager where he got off letting his driver smoke during his delivery of food to her asthmatic daughter! Keep in mind this manager is just the default one while the real one is gone. He was naturally shaking in his boots!
He said that the real store manager (how cowardly) would be at the store at 10pm, and that he would ask him to call us back. Meanwhile, he calls my phone to apologize. I ask him how he planned on handling the situation. Cue long pause much?
I told him I wanted my transaction cancelled, that I refused to pay for food that was not only late but smoked over. I'm an asthmatic for fuck's sake (says B)!
He gave me the same spiel about the manager coming at 10pm, and that he would brief him on what was done/said. Fast forward...
It is 10:15pm and I call back on the same phone I used to place the order. I was put on hold for five minutes before I hung up. I called again from the same number and was put on hold again. This time I hung up and called from my cell phone and was given the "Hi, is this order for pick up delivery?" line. I calmly said in my easily recognizable voice, "Let me speak to your manager."
I get the same guy from before, saying that apparently the real manager isn't there yet. First he tried to bribe me with discounts and soda, saying he was going to send the driver back out there to give me a can of soda. The fuck? Bitch I want my money! Give the phone to someone with some goddamn sense!!
"I'm not sure where he is, he should be here either within 5 minutes or by closing time."
These fuckers close at midnight.
I asked him if he had a number by which I could get in contact with his manager, which he denied he knew any of his manager's contact information. How do you not know how to get in contact with your boss? Clearly he's a liar and doesn't want to get in trouble, though ironically he's just digging his hole even deeper!
He must not have thought that I would call back past 11pm to get in touch with his manager. He doesn't know me very well does he?
A bit after 11pm I call back, and get in touch with the manager that I wanted to speak to. Apparently the first guy lied in saying he was going to brief his manager on what happened today, so I kindly let the guy know everything.
After all I said he had the audacity to say, "So you want your money back why again? You didn't like the food? Did you eat it?" Before I was rather calm, this time I attacked his spirit and got rather belligerent.
I told him as a manager he should be aware of his protocol and how to handle his staff, and that clearly smoking over a customer's food isn't part of it. As an asthmatic (lol) I especially didn't appreciate how rudely I was treated. And I gave him an ultimatum.
"If you don't retract this transaction, I will have my bank do it for you by tomorrow morning and you will be reported for a health violation." (Sidenote: I actually felt like this wasn't out of my reach considering I work for a similar agency and know all the sister agencies' numbers).
Protip: Two things that restaurant managers are afraid of - banks and health inspectors.
"Well I can't give you all of your money back, I can give you part of it though."
"Uh no, you will return all of it to me or I'll have the bank take all of it from you."
"Why?"
I know this nigga did not just ask me "why." I yelled at him for a minute for his foolishness before he said: "Alright, can I have your card information?"
He also asked me for my address, and my name. Apparently he has to "put this information on file." Bull shit. He's just trying to remember to spit in my food if I order back there again, which unfortunately for him I won't!
He finally said he would give me a full refund, and I told him that I will be watching to make sure that he does. He hangs up on me, and that's the end of that.
Sometimes you have to act a bit belligerent to get what you want out of fucktards like him, hence why I don't recommend ordering from Wings, Things & More unless you like dealing with ill mannered twits trying to scam you out of your money. Especially if you're an "asthmatic" like me. ;)
Protip: Dominoes is better.
-XX
Labels: asthma, bitches, catonsville, dominoes, fast food, maryland, poor service, smoking, wings things and more
Apparently straight people are homophobic on a new level when it comes to bisexual people, which is stupid. My theory is that they're simply jealous.
"Bisexual people are just greedy."
Yes, they just so happened to have decided that both vagina and penises are attractive to them because of an inner character flaw. Failure at logic.
"Bisexual people are slutty."
Yes because being bisexual means you have sex indiscriminately far more than the average person right? Also a failure in logic.
"Why do bisexual people feel the need to have more options?"
If you really think about it they don't have more options. Did you forget that partnership goes both ways (no pun intended)?
The homosexual population is about 10% in this country. Now let's rule out those that are purely homosexual and of the opposite sex. That knocks it down significantly. Then you still have people within the LGBT community that have the same stigmas against bisexuals as you do.
So the chances of a bisexual ending up with someone who isn't bisexual themselves is pretty slim, and even slimmer if they tried to get with someone who is homosexual and of the same sex.
Not to mention, being bisexual doesn't mean you're dating two people at once, or fucking two people at once, or less committed to your partner. To think that honestly makes you look fucking retarded. How would you like it if someone came up to you and decided something about your moral character based on something irrelevant?
"Oh you're African American? You must be one of those blissfully ignorant types bent on popping out babies you can't take care of with a range of people."
Don't like it do you?
If you don't understand something, just leave it at that. No one is asking you to examine the psychological and physiological aspects of sexuality because most likely if you feel this post is directed towards you, you're clearly not qualified to make any type of rational deduction.
Hopefully this has educated you on what bisexuality isn't, so that you can focus on what bisexuality really is: the attraction to both sexes. You're welcome, bitches.
Labels: bisexuality, bitches, lgbtq, sex, sexuality
If you haven't read Part 1, I suggest you go do so. But keep in mind this is the juicy half of the post duo.
A while after informing D about J's status and N's follow up behind-your-back type of shit talking, I spent my day doing all the necessary things: slapping hos, gettin' money, running over pedestrians, and challenging myself to eat a burrito without messing up my shirt. A typical day in the life of moi.
I came back in the midst of D and J arguing over what I told D. Naturally my name was brought up. J's twitter is @omgmisspiggie (how fitting) and N's is @misshalfrican.
omgmisspiggie: She's a child!
Me: Uh, bitch I've got two years on you. Just because you're three times my weight doesn't mean you're more mature.
omgmisspiggie: She's got loose lips!
Me: Better than your loose vag, I imagine.
omgmisspiggie: All you do is try to tell him and make it look negative just to get him riled up!
Me: Are you even aware of what I told him? No? Then shut the fuck up.
Of course talking to D on twitter about the ridiculousness of J and her babyish behavior in attacking us, we discussed how clueless she was about the situation and what was said. The only thing that was actually said was this: "all i said was she saw your mom and N decided to talk shit, if anything it ain't even about this fat whore. lol"
At this point I think I had gone to Checkers and came back (I remember leaving in the midst somewhere) but when I came back things were mad quiet. It seemed like the fight was over until N came in an hour late and ignorant.
misshalfrican: I know XX better not have my name in her mouth!
Me: oh shut the fuck up cunt, you're late AND wrong bitch. and i know you won't say shit to my face
I messaged D laughing, saying N came in all late and clueless trying to start shit. Keep in mind that N goes to UMBC and I know she won't approach me to say shit so why bother flexing your so called "e-muscles?" Yes, she is the douchebag that coined that term for the night.
After a few exchanges between each other, I was entertained. I had a bit of fun, honestly. Owning people is my favorite past time.
both: Aha, we made her mad!
Me: i don't get angry over fat/ugly bitches on the internet. lol you thought you matter lmao
What's funny is that N is the type that cries over anything, and I like to take low blows. After challenging her to come say it to my face (we're on the same campus after all) she says this:
misshalfrican: trust l believe if I even knew ur lame bitch ass I would be saying all this to ur inflated face. Fall back bitch.
(I'm not sure if inflated is the new term of the week but really? My face is rather narrow lol.)
Me: is it true you cried like a little bitch during your last fight? rofl OH SO HARD.
misshalfrican: aint no one cry after no fight. Get ur facts straight. Bitch I cried after looking at ur face. Get a fckn life & mind yours!
(Oh, how clever lol cry baby)
Then I went on to say the one thing that ugly and fat females hate to hear from someone attractive: "You're jealous."
They went on a rant about things that are irrelevant to my life, and in the end they said I was "lonely" when it comes to men. Let's analyze this!
Well, for one I'm not lonely. I'm quite happy, considering I have a wonderful man in my life that treats me like a queen. Not to mention, despite how I'm taken I've got boys chasing me even now, why would I be lonely?
For another thing, do we have to really analyze their relationships? Let's start with N.
From the relationships with people I have come to the conclusion that she is twenty years old, or will be twenty one soon. Apparently she was trying to get married this year AND have a child. Sounds like desperation much. And apparently there's a guy out there that was pretty much fooled into her romantic ideals. This is summed up with three tweets between her and J:
Looks like her relationship has gone down hill fast and might not even exist in about five minutes. LOL!
And now on to J. Was she not the one crying to D half the time about her relationship problems? Was she not the one whining on Facebook half the time about men? Is she not the one that guys only see at night when they're bored? lol Oh. Right.
Maybe it's the fact that she photoshops all her pictures to make her look thinner, and that since all her male friends are met through the web they run when they realized they've been fooled! Why crop your pictures hun? Scared?
Cropping - the original tool for fat bitches.
Liquify - an extension of the crop technique.
You bitches be lonely!
I take a few more low blows to the female minds, such as how fat the both of them are. N looks fucking pregnant and she's not (or at least I hope not, ew, fail of nature) and J looks like a beached whale with cheap weave on its head. N decided to pull an ever so clever comeback of "your nose is fat!" so I told her to come and talk to me when her forehead ends LOL!
misshalfrican: You look like a koala bear!
Me: (uh what? lol cute and cuddly yet vicious?) Aren't you pregnant or something? Come to Walker so I can punch you in your fat ass gut!
misshalfrican: I ain't jealous of yo ass! Ain't nothin to be jealous about!
Me: i think you're jealous because i'm far more secure than you lol that and i don't look like big bird.
omgmisspiggie: programmers and social work majors aren't shit!
(because apparently helping people and creating every electronic tool she's ever used including her dildo aren't shit. lol an attempted stab at mine and D's majors? D isn't a social work major by the way...)
Me: rofl i'm an engineer sweetheart, programmers are losers? LMFAO how'd you get twitter dumb bitch? LMFAO OMGGGGG reason #43984 for you two to be jealous of me, I make bank and you don't.
After a while they start to retreat but then try to take low blows, which to me means nothing because they don't know me well enough to be able to do that!
omgmisspiggie: whatever, who wants to listen to a homo and an immigrant.
(apparently she's homophobic lol maybe jealous that he gets more dick than her?)
Me: immigrant? i was born here lol. at least i didn't come on a slave ship
Me to D: i might as well just beat her ass, though i'll wear gloves. wouldn't want to get her fat grease on me. lmfao
Me: Reason #2 for her to come on a ship in chains - she looks like King Kong. Damnnnn.
Me: and lil N over here needs to get her wide nostrils out my TL, breathing up all my good air :\ lmao
The bitches retreated by saying "I don't have time for this I'm going to bed!" Which really means they're calling each other and crying.
Countless people were cheering me on, I went ham on this bitch! LOL! People asked me later that day "omg you were wrecking that bitch, who the fuck is she?" lol. Because of those constant questions I had to write this two part blog, thought it would amuse some of you!
One of my friends was like "omg she might sit on you! be careful! use her weight to your advantage like in 300"
LOLOL You guys are a trip. Love you bitches!
ps: Funny thing:
Contradiction much???? rofl!
Labels: bitches, stalkers, twitter