This post actually serves as a "semi guide" on how to deal with ignorance in the fast food business.
First of all I want you all to realize something when you're ordering food: tip your drivers! If you're dissatisfied with the time it took to make your food or the quality of your food, you have to realize that neither of these two things have anything to do whatsoever with the driver. Because all fast food restaurants only let people order out if they're within about a 5 mile radius, delivery is actually the fastest part of the process. And considering the driver's salary is pretty much based in tips, don't be a fucking cunt - tip your driver! (In the state of Maryland that's 15% you stingy whores).
However this is only if the driver is nice to you, and provides you with decent service. You'd think that wouldn't be hard since their sole duty is to deliver, have you sign a receipt, say thank you and be on their merry way back to the store but tonight I've been presented with quite a different experience.
If you live in Catonsville, Maryland you've probably heard of a small business named Wings, Things & More. They're located off of Frederick road, for you drivers. It's a well known fact that the delivery guys from this store are absolutely atrocious.
The first driver is this ashy looking African who NEVER remembers to bring a pen and insists on hitting on all the females he's delivered to. His ever so creative pick up line of "you're beautiful, do you want to talk to me?" has been heard by dozens of females on UMBC's campus.
Look you old fucking pervert, no one is interested. I'm tired of you forgetting pens and I'm even more tired of your self deprivation in the moisturization department. Put on some goddamn lotion!!
However tonight I didn't have to deal with this fool, but another one. A new driver.
Firstly, the order was about twenty minutes late but as previously stated that alone is not the driver's fault. But the fact that he was smoking over my goddamn food IS his fault, and I didn't appreciate it. For those of you that don't know, delivery guys are not allowed to smoke while on delivery, only on breaks. This one had the audacity to smoke in my face!
Not to mention he forgot my receipt so I couldn't sign for my food nor get a copy of it. So either way this fucker wasn't going to get a tip, even if in my nicest of moments I could have thought to ignore his blatant disrespect of my food and move on with my life.
Shortly afterwards the boy in my life calls, and luckily he works at Dominoes. For those of you that don't know, because Dominoes is a chain the driver experience can vary; luckily at his store he's working with a bunch of incredible people, which we'll get to in a minute. Not to mention the drivers make quite a bit of money; I honestly didn't expect that but they're not exactly starving.
I tell him about what just happened, and he was quite annoyed. He also told his manager what happened between Wings, Things & More and myself, which is where the amusement kicks in.
His manager is a 60 something year old White woman with the greatest sense of humor, named B. However she's also a very intelligent manager. She told us that it is absolutely wrong to smoke during a delivery, and that people have been fired for that once before. Because of the severity of the matter (it truly comes down to it being a health issue) she said she would have fired the driver on the spot and given the customer a refund.
I had no interest in whether or not the driver got fired, I don't plan on ordering their again, but the idea of not getting charged naturally intrigued me. B asked me for the address and phone number of Wings, Things & More and proceeded with the hilarity.
She pretended to be my mother, and asked the manager where he got off letting his driver smoke during his delivery of food to her asthmatic daughter! Keep in mind this manager is just the default one while the real one is gone. He was naturally shaking in his boots!
He said that the real store manager (how cowardly) would be at the store at 10pm, and that he would ask him to call us back. Meanwhile, he calls my phone to apologize. I ask him how he planned on handling the situation. Cue long pause much?
I told him I wanted my transaction cancelled, that I refused to pay for food that was not only late but smoked over. I'm an asthmatic for fuck's sake (says B)!
He gave me the same spiel about the manager coming at 10pm, and that he would brief him on what was done/said. Fast forward...
It is 10:15pm and I call back on the same phone I used to place the order. I was put on hold for five minutes before I hung up. I called again from the same number and was put on hold again. This time I hung up and called from my cell phone and was given the "Hi, is this order for pick up delivery?" line. I calmly said in my easily recognizable voice, "Let me speak to your manager."
I get the same guy from before, saying that apparently the real manager isn't there yet. First he tried to bribe me with discounts and soda, saying he was going to send the driver back out there to give me a can of soda. The fuck? Bitch I want my money! Give the phone to someone with some goddamn sense!!
"I'm not sure where he is, he should be here either within 5 minutes or by closing time."
These fuckers close at midnight.
I asked him if he had a number by which I could get in contact with his manager, which he denied he knew any of his manager's contact information. How do you not know how to get in contact with your boss? Clearly he's a liar and doesn't want to get in trouble, though ironically he's just digging his hole even deeper!
He must not have thought that I would call back past 11pm to get in touch with his manager. He doesn't know me very well does he?
A bit after 11pm I call back, and get in touch with the manager that I wanted to speak to. Apparently the first guy lied in saying he was going to brief his manager on what happened today, so I kindly let the guy know everything.
After all I said he had the audacity to say, "So you want your money back why again? You didn't like the food? Did you eat it?" Before I was rather calm, this time I attacked his spirit and got rather belligerent.
I told him as a manager he should be aware of his protocol and how to handle his staff, and that clearly smoking over a customer's food isn't part of it. As an asthmatic (lol) I especially didn't appreciate how rudely I was treated. And I gave him an ultimatum.
"If you don't retract this transaction, I will have my bank do it for you by tomorrow morning and you will be reported for a health violation." (Sidenote: I actually felt like this wasn't out of my reach considering I work for a similar agency and know all the sister agencies' numbers).
Protip: Two things that restaurant managers are afraid of - banks and health inspectors.
"Well I can't give you all of your money back, I can give you part of it though."
"Uh no, you will return all of it to me or I'll have the bank take all of it from you."
"Why?"
I know this nigga did not just ask me "why." I yelled at him for a minute for his foolishness before he said: "Alright, can I have your card information?"
He also asked me for my address, and my name. Apparently he has to "put this information on file." Bull shit. He's just trying to remember to spit in my food if I order back there again, which unfortunately for him I won't!
He finally said he would give me a full refund, and I told him that I will be watching to make sure that he does. He hangs up on me, and that's the end of that.
Sometimes you have to act a bit belligerent to get what you want out of fucktards like him, hence why I don't recommend ordering from Wings, Things & More unless you like dealing with ill mannered twits trying to scam you out of your money. Especially if you're an "asthmatic" like me. ;)
Protip: Dominoes is better.
-XX
Labels: asthma, bitches, catonsville, dominoes, fast food, maryland, poor service, smoking, wings things and more