Apologies for not posting in a while, I've been sick!
Ever since the Crew bake sale I've been sick. Now, before you jump to any conclusions let's first explain the nature of this "bake sale."
Firstly, we were supposed to have the bake sale in front of the RAC, which is a dumb fucking idea. Who wants to go to the gym and see cupcakes on their way in?? People are here to NOT be fat bitches, so we sneaked over to the front of the breezeway by the Commons, where fat people usually roam. Sure enough we're making sales!
Secondly, let me rephrase that last sentence. Sure enough, I'm making sales. The entire time I'm the one who stayed from 11am to 4:30pm and actually did any work. These other bitches just stood there, or did homework. I'm like bitch, how the fuck do you think you sell shit? Stare at them as they pass by? Hell no!
Because of these lazy cunts, my voice is shot and my throat is killing me. Most Crew members didn't even show up! But we did outsell Delta Phi Sigma (a lame sorority, one of those stereotypical dumb blonde type of deals) with our bake sale. And we also received a lot of donations!
Thanks to all that did come and buy our baked goods no matter how disturbing some of them were. One of the Crew members ( the one whose idea it was to hold the bake sale that she got on everyone's nerves about ) didn't participate, but she brought a cake in a fucking bread pan (I gave her a mad side eye for that) that she made when she was drunk apparently. Congratulations, you've upgraded to White trash. Yes upgraded.
In case you couldn't tell, I really despise that girl. Probably because she's the polar opposite of me. But that's a post for another time. ;)
However we also got some random rude people! I'm like it's a fucking bake sale on a college campus, where the fuck do you think you are??
"The frosting on the cupcake looks sloppy."
Probably because it was baked by people who DON'T work at Georgetown Cupcakes nor took a class in cupcakeology with a focus on frosting placement and swirl technique. It's a fucking cupcake bitch it's not supposed to look fucking perfect, it's gonna look exactly the same as any other fucking cupcake once you eat it and shit it out! Either you can buy this fucking cupcake, eat it, and shut the hell up, OR you could make your merry way down to Georgetown Cupcakes, waste some gas, and then spend $4 on a single fucking cupcake and be as happy as can fucking be, but don't sit here and bitch at me about a fucking lemon cupcake on this goddamn mother fucking table!!
"Their cupcakes are cheaper."
And they're also store bought and smaller than ours, bitch so what? What does Delta Phi Sigma really need money for? Lip gloss and tampons? We're trying to buy a fucking boat and oars bitch! Our shit is expensive!!
So while I'm doing all the goddamn work of screaming, handing out baked goods, and keeping the cash box managed, a small piece of aluminum foil flies off one of the pans. Since I've got a billion things to do at once and my hands were full, I'm not going to just run the fuck after it, one of the assholes that was just standing there could have gone and got it!! So this chubby white woman comes up with the foil and says this WITH AN ATTITUDE:
"This is trash. You should hold on to it next time."
I'm sitting here thinking after all the fucking work I've been doing today bitch you're about to get cut for getting rude with me. Perhaps you should jump on the elliptical for the next 5 years of your life so you can learn how to hobble away from me faster you fat fucking cunt!
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
:).
But back to the most important part of this post: I'm sick!
A lot of people asked me if I ate anything at the bake sale that could have made me sick. I ate a single cookie, made by one of the Crew members. But is this single cookie enough to cause the following symptoms?
- Numbness in the legs
- Full body muscle pains, we're talking excruciating. If I moved I felt like crying it hurt so much
- Heart palpitations
- Chest pains
- Nausea
- Extreme Migraines
- Fatigue
- Faded vision
- Cramps across the lower back
- Etc.
We've been able to deduce that it isn't the following:
- Menstrual Cycle
- Pregnancy (wtf guys, really?)
- Misuse of cocaine (just kidding, I always misuse it.)
Thanks for everyone that's been helpful to me in letting me feel better, a couple of you sent me flowers which is sweet, kind of creepy that you know where I live but if you live on campus you can pretty much find out anything so I imagine it wasn't too difficult. I also got a tiny teddy bear that said "Get Well" and a couple of e-mails, so thanks guys! Means a lot to me.
I'll probably be sick for the rest of this weekend, bummer. ): Laid up in bed!!
Love you guys!
XX
Labels: bake sale, bitches, crew, sick